A "Raila" Christmas

Great season, great time, here we say teremsha na marafiki...........\

This is the season for the professionals, not those

one who go to be taught how to do things , it is the season for the chicken killers! Yep that is just what came out of my mouth, chiken killers, to master the art,,,, you got to have speed, the ability to wring its neck so fast that before it quacks, the heart has stoppped.....and then chicken killer are follwed by chiken feather removers........then chicken roasters.... then chiken eaters.......which prbably brings down the whole chain to anyone i can bet the dice on, maybe you, maybe me, maybe its the guy sitting next to you, we somehow find the audacity to fall anywhere in the chain......maybe you have lost me, here turkeys are big chrismass woven stories that you can sell to anyone for a penny.....I aint never seen one in my Ma's kitchen...so chiken way we go.......

You have a great time, here, I know am a chicken leg thrower which translates to , for every chicken that will go down this season actually to be specific in our homestead I will be doing the honours of throwing the leg to the ancestors!!!

Tasted and proven!

We are moving forward to and closer to 2007 elections, my case rests there but am a little bit confused when it comes to this bug called political aspirant bug, I would rather go down as result of malaria!
Ok maybe am a little bit extravagant with my words there, malaria as I hear from people who dont have the opportunity to enjoy immunity from it as a result of overexposure, might not be so happy to talk about it, it becomes a matter of life and death! this political bug am talking about, once it bites you, down you go with frequent reoccurences, now in the future, the zeal to , and the great depth of visual dreams foreseen by the political aspirant even when hope for redemption and success is as bleak, as...u name it
Well the political bug makes you borrow as much as you can, with the hope that a win is closer, then small hopes become big hopes and even seeing the village witch becomes a night venture, some spirit protection from eventual enemies who dont see you as the next Member of Parliament. Then bury this bone under your bed......carry the concotion around to prot6ect urself!

Underscore

Am obviously from East Africa but I have issues with my inability to speak proper Kiswahili, I never realized that before setting up camp with fellow regionmates from Tanzania last week. What I speak is corrupted kiswahili and the level of corruption is doubteless. Whatever brought us under one hut was not good times it was a funeral, and you are well aware that where Aunt Nera and I come from, funerals have a second name, theyare called the last wedding, translate it to...when we see you off, we do it with the intention of proving food insecurity is a foreign word in the village. First we budget for your coffin, this days it has got to white.......shows you werent doing so badly here on earth, and your worth our penny. Then if you decided to meet your maker in the city, we have to take you bak to where your umblical cord is buried, bak inyour village!

This is a tough one becoz some corpses become so bright that they refuse to go.....so in this case, we stop the hearse car, get your body out of the casket, and change the direction of your body, especially the head, once you figure out we are headed bak to the city all is well. Am not sure any of you is getting this right, it sounds so simple, but convincing a rebel who abandoned his village for city life that he is been taken bak home is the business....of the wise and the elderly...and it can last up to 6hrs. Its hard for me to convince you, but am in africa, am in Kenya, I know my people from the village dead people see....and hear, or else Black Magic isnt dead. I know the good Book, but I also know my people.

The final thing we do, is we make sure food will be in plenty, food for in-laws, food for the clan, the village has to see you off. A cow has to die, in this particular case, then we feast for three days. The first one is when we get you home, and everyone wants to be sure, if the city people were playing some joke on them that they have now lost one of the umblical cords forever, then they cry asking you, how you could decided to leave them so early, some cry are genuiine, and others well..... civilisation has made crying so hard sometimes that we just hire the proffessional mourners....their maximum time on crying is usually guaranteed upto 12hrs on and off. Then we eat ....occassionally cry......grumble about how food is not enough, explain how you lived in plenty so we have to see you off in the same way...then we eat....

on the second day which is usuall tougher...because its the day of physically enjioning you to the ancestors, we eat first, then talk about you, those who went to nursery with you, your family, those who knew you from sunday school.......we talk about you......then we take you to rest it should be on the second day running, then we eat..........talking about you

At night we play full blast music and eat all night long, and dance , and talk about you again, this time we try to accept everything, that the world is so hard to live in, that times are so tough, that its just as well, The Boss Upstairs could not have called you at a better time, you needed an early rest...then we eat....... and disperse ....expecting to meet again in death anniversary...where we will eat again..........

Where in the ancestors name is food insecurity?

Jamm-Huri Day

Sounds like Miuru Bay if you quesotion me. Am all en-thu-sia-stic about it, nervous on one end , relaxed on another one, and just cool overall. The Boss upstairs must have alot of files to peruse, take a look at my case, here is Wyb-er all guns out with it, in touch with the Boss come 27th, pleads his case, Boss we have been so sidelined, you marginalized us when you gave us land that experiences silent drought most of the time, but there is a Moses in me, finally here to save my people from the lowself esteem inflicted on them by other big clans in this country or so they say! But I have come so that my people may finally have a respectable say in the continent! Well said, but another file arrives in the in-tray.

Boss c'mon, my Dad tried this thing sometime ago and Bless his Soul he rested without winning the throne, Boss my clansman Mboya almost got it, if its not for the fact that the goons shortchanged the script, now I have become of Age , You said your are going to bless them thru their 3rd and 4th generation, fulfil the word Boss, its now or never!

Tuendele case finally arrives, Boss kazi lazima iendelee....... wafunge ama wa PANUA..kazi iendelee, mangoto ama mapumbaf! Kazi lazima iendelee.

Ok am over my head with that, but whatever other excited voters there might be uko nje.......patriotism is not to be begged, be patriotic and we hope the State Head this time, will not as last time......be offside on his plea to us in stadaI

JIeM advantage

My instincts at times just tell me go with it...take it on...u know just let it flow. Like this instinct I have had to become a legal member of JIeM. Again I will make assumptions becoz my time here has been short and well Aunt Nera is just the type of Aunt who frequents the religious dens, to be specific her denomination doesnt belong to the religious giants of this city , as a result of which its hard to expect her of meeting the Creator on the daily lineup in Family' tV. Well that is not to say since I dropped my future corps in town, I have had some bigtime tour in almost every church, that was not my intention at first...nada... but you know how Nita is, didnt think she is a goer....mmmh.....a churchgoer but she suprised me yet performed below par when I discovered she is related to the nomads by action. She is a spiritual shifta! In days and hey when great tempts are making great men of God focus so much on giving scriptures, and justifying how big the house of God is that no one should not expect their feet to be washed....... you also have to fish for a good postor'! One who would baptise your folks without much question on your commitment to the body of J.C, one who wouldnt mind perfoming your burial service as long as your name appears in the tithe and offering book, clear and neat.
That aside I want to join JIeM, well because my instincts are very strong on this one...just like hips dont go lying, neither do my in-stincts.......KCB has an advantage, so does Safaricom...... JIeM is expecting one soon.........when 27 comes to pass!

Great hah ha! Nairobi muscle

I know all this village in me stuff can put anyone off, but there are times when I think even a villager has class, and villagers can also find their ground here in the midst of all this urbanity that I c. Wy i would choose to deviate from this normal talk of all the things I know from growing up in the country, I would say I have seen a lot of polished outlook in persons I would definately deem to be the lower class of anysetup be it in the village or here in the city , take it like this manners should be a property of anyone living, an asset if am sure.
Njoroge is his name, I place a stamp of no manners on him quite because he behaved with no manners........ dressing doesnt deliver character, I dont need my grandma- to drum it into my head. Why in the ancestors name would anyone ask me if I like what I c in them inside 3 minutes of bumping into them on the roadside. Now if am to meet you , and all this abuses ladies hurl at men just because somebody said hallo to them, brings them a few classes below the most uncouthed villager I know. On the other hand replying to a greeting doesnt make me lose my teeth....but to read more into that......is the climax of lack of manners. The next time anyone asks me....if I like what I see, I will be forced to be blunt....to say I think they are not long enough.......... I will say they dont have enough muscle to tick me on, i will say i dont see a pride of lions in him, I will just have to bring out the supressed recessive genes of uncouthness into the fore, because Nairobi men are dissappointing in scoring points with a woman even if its just for the purpose of getting an easy lay....... maybe they finally get there, but they lack the art to increase the frequency of success on this front, and the villager in me doesnt have to be smart enough to figure it out! Its pathetic!

Trues

Night running is an art perfected by time, like that Old msee Onsongo, everyone knows he does it, bot in the village , in the city. Its hard to know this thing if you were not brought up with them, now who in anyones name, would decide to place some of his inside intestine byproducts in the middle of the common bathroom? Who would do that?

I know what Aunt Nera says, people without manners, there is no issue of manners there, even in the village we differentiate between...a place to wash your future corpse, and a place to drop the droppings, you need not have attended school to figure it out. But that Onsongo the suspect, is just doing what all Aunt Nera's neighbours should know! This is a long lesson even if you want to learn it, night running has different departments, one of them just to mention is geared towards creating fear, other include, disgust, entertainment, competition, and finally completion of an inherited mission. Unless you understand all this department, you just like our neighbours here, will be lost and blaming everything on lack of manners, is what the white washed city dwellers would say, a villager like me...... I know better!!

Night Runners

I dont want to assume no everyone know what night runners do, nor do i assume not that alrite night runners are not only found in my village but maybe in your they just have different names. The West lies sometimes, but only sometimes, like they come, they find my people with decent occupations, occupations passed down from father to son...husband to wife...mother to daughter......a very legal and proper machinations of events, and they turn around and say........night running is primitive, evil, now will anyone ask them Prince they have in that country to turn around and box his father and tell him, you keep that crown, all this aint right....! Didnt think anyone would say yes
Night running is an inheritance, owed and deemed to be accepted and to be used in the generation that go beyond the crown holder of the time...am cut short a little here...but ...for now yeah..hold it, there!

One man One Hill

And it aint a lie, not if you know what night runners can do?